Welcome to my korner of the world, with big bay windows. I like to let the sun shine in and warm me, so that I can be inspired. With that inspiration of warmth, I can create a better me, and hopefully touch other lives for the better. And together perhaps we can piece together a better, more positive world.

Wednesday, October 26, 2011

Knots of all Kinds

I have had so many struggles the last two months.  I have learned so much, and I see all the growing I am now doing.  My mind and heart have been tied in knots - little ones, tight ones, loose ones, and huge knots that knock me over when they come to mind.

I was asked a really good question this morning, which has made me contemplate on it, as well as my answer to it.  The question was "are you making it a bigger deal, or are they?"  Wow, that was an eye opener for sure.  I realized that I am probably the one that is making it a much bigger deal. 

I am a mom, and my girls are now adults, and one is to be a mom herself in the Spring.  I'm finding it very difficult to let go, and realize that I cannot protect them from the hurts that come in life, because of their choices.  I am finding that I still think of them as my babies, always will, and they still want and need me to help them make good choices.  Unfortunately, that part of life is now over, and I cannot put my foot down and say just what I think. 

All I can do is listen to them when they want to talk, and love them whatever decision is made, especially if I don't like it.  I hope that one day they will see how much I love them, and just what I did for them, as well as will continue to do for them. 

I know soon enough my son will be an adult and be moving out of the home as well.  In the meantime, I will continue too do my best to show my love and concern for him, as well as my girls, to the best of my abilities. 

Just like crochet - which is tying different knots in string to create a lovely object - I will tie the knots of love in my heart, and hopefully each of my wonderful children's as well.  Some knots will remain, thick and strong, as they are meant to be, others loose and flowing to shine with the light, and yet others to be ripped out never to be seen again, and more yet to be reshaped and formed to add that special twist. 

I love you, my sweet, wonderful children.  You are each a special gift, and I thank you for all the love, all the stress, all the laughter, and all the difficulty as well, so that my love for you grows every day, and I can become a better mom, and hopefully a fantastic grandmother too.

What knots do you need to untie?  What knots do you need to rip out, never to be retied?  What knots need to be reshaped?  Look at all your knots, and hopefully all of them are making a beautiful coat of unconditional love, and inner beauty.

Sunday, September 25, 2011


I can't believe I have gone a couple of months without writing once again.  I have certainly been busy with life.  My son has returned to high school, now a sophomore, and the last child at home.  He brings such joy to my life.  He started his first official job as well this weekend.  He is growing up so quickly, and it won't be but  the blink of an eye and he will be moving out and starting college.

My second child has now started her first year of college.  I'm so proud of how she has applied herself, and her dreams of becoming a doctor.  She is a stubborn one, but that is a good thing, especially when that is applied to her goals and dreams.

My oldest is giving me a wonderful gift. YES, I am going to be a grandmother in April.  I'm already in love with this child.  I have already made a hooded baby blanket, and purchased a few items as well.  

I have recently been enjoying my crocheting.  I made a beautiful shawl for my sister, one for my lovely step-mom, and have just finished another for a dear friend.  I have made several wrist warmers, a few baby hats, wash cloths, dish towels, and other miscellaneous items.  Having different types of yarn running between my fingers, and seeing how tying knots with a hook simply fascinates me.  A combination of simple, easy stitches and these amazing patterns come to life in hats, towels, shawls, blankets, just about anything you can dream, it can be made.  

These patterns are much like life, simple decisions can make such a impact on the world.  One bad decision and the house could be set on fire.  One good decision and an entire group of people are rejoicing and singing how wonderful life is.  Sometimes it isn't even a conscious decision, it is just doing things the way they have always been done, or just going with the flow.  

I hope that I have created enough new patterns in my life, with tying the right knots, or untying them, and re-working the same yarn into something incredible, that this grand baby will see life as a beautiful gift.   I hope and pray that I can encourage this child to love and give generously, to take good care of what is given, and yet give back even more that what was received.  I also hope that I will see life anew through the loving eyes of my grand-child.

I must say thank you to my wonderful, supportive, encouraging husband as well.  He believes in me, and my abilities, and wants me to be happy.  He sees the joy that I have when I am felting, or crocheting, and makes sure that I am able to learn more, encourages me to be around like minded people too.  

I'm in awe of the pattern my life has taken.  I used to see it nothing but one nasty knot tied within a bigger nastier knot.  Now that I look back, I can see how each of those difficult times wasn't just a knot, it was the start of a beautiful pattern, and that pattern is still not completely written.  And hopefully it will be a long time before the final stitch is made in the pattern of my life.  I know that it will be very PRETTY once it is completed.

What patterns are you creating?  Do you see your life as nothing but one ugly knot?  Or lots of simple knots that are beautiful?  Or some knots that may need to be re-worked?  Are you willing to re-work them for yourself? For those you love?  For those that love you?  

Friday, July 8, 2011

Wanderings Wonders

It has been a long while since I have felt the urge to write, to share, to delve within myself and discover the inner self yet again. 

A dear friend shared some of her thoughts, and they resonated deep within my soul.  The last 3 days I have been feeling that yearning from deep within to address some issues with people in my life.  I have read a poem several times about people being in your life for a reason, season, or a lifetime.  And that theory resonates deep within my being. 

I have many people that are in my life, and have been for a lifetime, and I pray that they will always be.  There are some wonderful friends that I don't communicate with often, for whatever reason, but when we talk, it is as if no time has past at all.  And these people I love and I know that they are always there for me, no matter what.

Then there are the people that come into view for a short period of time, to teach a lesson. Or better yet, to receive help in learning whatever lesson it may be.  Like a lady I still refer to as a friend, let's call her J.  She needed someone to help her see the strong side of herself, to remind her that she could stand up for herself, and what she new was right for her and her children. I have not heard from her in over a year now, and the last time I saw her, she was in a much better frame of self worth, and had finally stood up for herself.

Then there are those that come into life for a season.  The season can be long months, or even years.  I have many of these relations in life as well.  And  these are the ones I tend to struggle with the most.  Some people have just moved away, and we just don't talk. Others I wish would finally just go away and leave me alone, never to darken my doorway again.  And yet others go away and then come back, and then disappear again.  Then something will happen to remind me of the time in my life where they were around me often. Like seeing a place we visited together, or hearing a song, or have a dream about them.  Sometimes it is really good memories, and sometimes it is very painful.  Crying at times for no reason, or getting angry - more so at myself than them.  Sometimes it is just the hurt, or the joy, and then the sadness that comes from not having them in my life anymore. 

Maybe the reason I struggle so much is there is always the hope of rekindling that friendship.  And yet some I need to say good-bye to permanently.  Let go of the hurt and pain, maybe even let go of the hope that something could have been different.  I have said good-bye to some rather easily, and others I think I have, and yet a period of time will come and I just seem to think too often of them.  And then the urge to talk to them, or contact them really hits. And I KNOW that I cannot, for it will cause too much grief for me, and destroy parts of me as well. And who knows what could happen in their life!

Some of the people I would love to be able to talk to again, and it is physically impossible to have that, as they have gone on to the next life, whatever that may be for them.  Yes, I still feel them, and even have a conversation with them in a sense, but unable to give them hugs, or see their reactions to words and thoughts could make all the difference now. 

I guess these are the wanderings of wonder in my soul today.  If I had to choose colors for these people, I would color the lifetime friends in shades of greens and blues - grass and the sky colors, as they touch my life every day in one way or another.  And I cannot imagine not having them in it.   The ones that are hear for just a reason would be yellows and oranges, for the joy and healing on each of our lives.  Those that are here for a season or two (maybe more) would probably be in shades of brown, or perhaps greys, as it can be hard to differentiate exactly what is trying to come to light with them at times.  Perhaps one day, I will be able to see all the brightness that these people brought to my life.  Right now, I find I struggle with them, so it is hard to see the brightness and colorful aspects that were added to  me, and my being who I am, at this time in my life. 

And to those who have gone before me, I miss you.  G-M, thank you for your unconditional love and loving guidance. And to A. A., thank you for the love you gave me, and the growth as well, but most of all, the forgiveness you gave in the last week, and most especially our son. 

Thursday, April 14, 2011

Life Patterns

It has been a very busy time the last couple of weeks, and at times I just wanted to curl up and sleep away days at a time.  I thought wake me when the pain stops, or, wake me when things are going more smoothly.  Old habits rear their ugly heads in such a comforting manor, that you don't often realize you are back in the grips of them. 

I don't really want to stay in that place though, so I have been crocheting, and learning new techniques and patterns.  Some are easy to get right away, and others take lots of practice, sometimes have to start over again several times.  I'm making granny squares right now, and it can be frustrating when I miss a stitch, or change stitches in the middle of the row, or don't understand the pattern.  But I am learning, and learning takes time, and sometimes it takes a toll on the mind.

 I've also been reading a powerful book. It will take me a long time to read through it, but will be well worth the time of contemplating and meditating on the information.  The book is by Eckhert Tolle, called The Power of Now.  I'm learning so much already, and only just finished chapter two last night.  Changing thought patterns is much like learning a new crochet pattern.  Often I  have to rip out rows or entire projects, may have to re-stitch several times, and then I can see the beauty as it begins taking the shape and pattern I want.

The granny squares I am making are twelve inches, and I am putting them together to make lap blankets for the Veterans in the home in Tor C, NM.  All the squares are unique in color and pattern.  It takes time, effort, and a commitment to complete such a project, but I am finding it fun as well.  I see just how much time it takes to make a better me as well. 

We are all unique, have our own patterns.  Do you want to stay the same pattern for the rest of your life? Or is it time to try a new color, a new stitch, an entirely new idea?  Who are you now, who do you want to be ultimately? 

Personally, I want to be the best, colorful, unique piece of work that I can be!  It means I am in the processing of ripping out the hurts and pains I have carried for years, of letting go of the ugly patterns, and creating an entirely new, happy, cheerful, giving, supportive, loving ME!  It will take time to stitch myself together, but with a little bit of effort, and changes in hooks, it will happen. It is a daily choice, a daily decession to make the right choice, to look at life a bit differently.  Sometimes I even have to make that choice every other minute. 

What about you?  Who are you today? What pattern are you working on? Is it becoming more beautiful with every thought and stitch, or is it routine, old, boring, stagnant?  What pleasure are you getting from the old patterns? Or is it time to start something new, exciting, and a bit challenging? 

Here is to a new day, a new pattern, and new choices, all for the good in life!

Tuesday, April 5, 2011

My Crazy, Wild, Love Story

Odd things happen in my life.  I have some very strange stories to tell.  The best story I have is of how I met my husband and how we know we are meant to be together!

In 2005 I decided it was time for my life to have some major changes. It certainly was not easy, but it was a must for my sanity.  I will skip over all the yuck part here, but I do need to say that I was married, and needed to get out of it. I left him, and went through several months of angst,  changes, and divorce. All for what made me a much stronger person.

In July of 2006, I signed up on MySpace.  I received emails from several people, but one caught me a bit off guard with the simplicity of his email. We started emailing back and forth, and one of my first questions was where in our small town did he live. I made an off-hand comment of "watch, I can see your house from mine".  When he told me where he lived, I truly could see his roof from my kitchen window. 

We finally decided to meet in person, and the night before we were to meet, he called me from the hospital. He had been in a motorcycle accident, bike was totaled, his right leg injured, and we wouldn't be able to meet.  We met on Tuesday, July 25th.  We realized then that we had passed each other in the local grocery store and smiled at each other. (I remember it vividly! Thought I could get used to that smile every day!)

He helped me move a couple weeks later.  Twelve days after I moved into my new place, I was at work, and about 1:40 pm on August 24th, a Ford SUV came crashing through the front window of my work. I was pinned between the desk and the metal shelving unit behind me. I was flown to the local trauma hospital, as I couldn't move my leg.  This wonderful man I had met just a month before, came to the hospital.  He took me to his home, as I had a hairline fracture in my hip.  He took such good care of me.  It was at this point I knew he was a keeper!!!!

Ready for the crazy part of the story?  One week after my accident, mind you it was 32 days after his accident, there was a story in the local paper. That is when we realized it was the same woman who hit us both! In the same Ford SUV.  The accidents were 3 1/2 miles apart,  on bright sunshiny days. She got his right leg, and my left.  We both have injuries that will be with us our entire lives from the accidents.

The best part of this story is that fact is definitely stranger than fiction.  No one believes it really happened that way, but we have the police reports to prove it.  Our love is strong, and we are so perfect for one another.  He supports me in so many ways, and I know that he appreciates the love I have for him.  Our love has been crafted together beyond what either of us could have believed.

Tuesday, March 29, 2011


My wonderful son turned 15 over the weekend. He is my baby, and always will be.  I have two wonderful daughters as well.  They are all wonderful children and have brought me such joy.  They each came having their own lessons to teach me how to be a better parent.  I wouldn't change that for the world!  And they all have this amazing ability to warm my heart every day.  All I have to do is open my eyes to see it.

The weather is finally warming up, for which I am so very grateful!  Cold and I do not get along well. The hyacinths are blooming, and the tulips are up & out of the ground, and should be blooming in the next couple of weeks.  It is so wonderful to see the new growth  and know that warmth is coming soon. In fact, it may be down right HOT before too long.

So my question today is what brings warmth and joy to your heart? Do you have to dig deep to find it, or is it right there to grab onto?  Do you need to do some spring cleaning to find it, dust maybe, or vacuum?  We all have that spot where we hold those precious memories or ideas of what gives/brings happiness and joy.  Sometimes I have to dig deep, and hold on with both hands once I find it. Other times all I have to do is be present in the moment to see the joy right in front of me, to feel the warmth of love from my husband, my children, my parents, and my friends, even strangers can warm my heart with just a smile.  I have also found that "playing make-believe" can bring joy - and sometimes you have to fake it in order to find it again.  So do yourself a big favor today, find what warms you through and through, and then go spread it to the rest of the world - one person at a time. 

Friday, March 25, 2011


 I am contemplating my BEING right now.  Who am I? Who am I meant to be? How do I effect others lives for the better?  I know that the world does not revolve around me, but I do make a difference in the world.  We are all here for a purpose. 

I suffer from chronic health issues.   I take medications to keep them under control, but more importantly, I know that having my thoughts in the positive range is much more important to living life.  Life is survivable, but I want to LIVE it, enjoy it. I want to share the joy I find in life on a daily basis.

Therefore, I crochet and needle felt.  When I am felting I am able to let go of the bad thoughts that like to replay in my mind, and I am able to see the joy that will come from my creations.  Perhaps it will be the warmth and uniqueness of my hats, or the smiles that come from my sheep, or other animals I create.  With each crochet stitch I see how the mistakes can be easily erased,  and how sometimes you really have to think to make the pattern come out correctly. 

And so it is in life....I take the mistakes, and grow from them, and felt through each day, to create my best possible BEING.  Everyone may not appreciate who I am, how I respond to issues, however I give what love and encouragement I can to each person who touches my life.  

Thursday, March 24, 2011

Contemplative Questionings

Lately I have had many reasons for contemplating life.  I have recently been able to attend some seminars that have made me really look into my life and see where I am and what I am attracting in my life.  I want and need positivity in my life.  I have a wonderful, loving, supportive family. I have many good, dear friends as well.  I also have had my fair share of rough relationships.  I grew, and continue to grow, from all experiences that come my way.  As life continues to change day by day, as no day is the same, and there are new challenges every day, I look deeper into myself and search for the good, and focus on that.  I wish that others in my life could do the same.  My heart breaks for those who cannot see (or chose not to) what gifts they have, the little things in life that bring joy, and can only focus on the big issues, or make bigger issues out of the little things that don't really have much of a significance in life.

There are days where I am not always positive, or bubbly (as many refer to me), but who doesn't have a bad day here and there?  I am not saying that you have to pretend 24/7 to be someone you are not, but to stay in that hole, that pit, and never want to see the sunshine.....what kind of life is that?  I have been deep into depression many times in my life, and never thought I would come out of it. BUT I DID! and I did it on my own, not because someone else said I had to.  It is a choice you have to make on a daily basis.....sink in, or dig out?! 

I LOVE the feel of the sunshine on my face. I enjoy taking the time to smell the flowers, see them coming up in the spring, putting smiles on peoples faces, or making people laugh.  I get joy by encouraging others to look at the bright side of things.  I cannot help it if they choose to see it differently.  I just know that I do my best, and that is what matters in life. 

When was the last time you gave of yourself? When was the last time you accepted the responsibility of something wrong in a relationship and did something about it, instead of blaming others? When will you give, and what will you give to make the world a better place?  When was the last time you sent a card in the mail, just to bless someone? When was the last time you sent a just because gift with no expectations of getting a thank you back....just random kindness to someone you don't really know?  When was the last time you allowed someone to bless you? And then acknowledged it as a blessing?  When? What? How? Why?

Search deep within yourself and your life.  What do you really want from life? What to you want to give to make your life better?

Wednesday, March 23, 2011

More Fibers

My passion is needle felting, however, I also love crocheting.  I have been crocheting since I was a little girl.  Never really did much with it, just some scarves and a baby blanket here and there.  I recently decided that I wanted to do more with it, so I went to a beginning crochet class at my local yarn store.  I had a great time, and even learned a couple of new tricks. 

I gave my step-mom and dad a crocheted kitchen towel and matching dish cloth for their new home.  Mary was so excited to get the gifts, and said she wanted to learn to crochet.  So I was able to teach her the basic chain, and  the single crochet stitches.  I am thrilled to be able to help her learn!

Monday I made my first cowl, basically a scarf that is pulled over your head to keep your neck warm, and can pull it up over your nose to help block the wind.  I was so impressed with how quickly it came together, that I am now working on my third one!  I've used 100% merino wool for one, Peruvian Cotton/modal/silk blend for another (thanks for the gift Kim!) and using a cotton type yarn for the one I started this morning.

Will post some more pictures as soon as this last one is completed.  I made one yesterday for myself, and the one I started today is for my oldest daughter.  She has asthma and the wind takes her breath away, so hopefully this will help prevent attacks.

Monday, March 21, 2011

Felted Fiber Addiction

I attended a fantastic seminar on Saturday, March 19th, and decided that it was time I join in the blog world.  I have an addiction to fiber, and creating things with it.  Needle felting has brought me immense joy, and I find that it is my drug of choice.  I had been addicted to anger and all the wrongs people had done to me for so very long, and when a dear friend introduced me to needle felting, it started the snowball effect for me. When I am hurting emotionally, I find that creating something through "stabbing" roving with needles brings me serenity.

I blessed a friend with two needle felted sheep in February.  That really started a snowball effect as well.  I have several orders for sheep now, a total of 13 that I am in the midst of creating.  I have four left to complete now.  They each have their own personality, and I couldn't make two of the same even if I try.  That is the joy in hand made items, nothing is ever duplicated exactly.

I will be posting pictures of the different stages of the process I take to make them.