I have had so many struggles the last two months. I have learned so much, and I see all the growing I am now doing. My mind and heart have been tied in knots - little ones, tight ones, loose ones, and huge knots that knock me over when they come to mind.
I was asked a really good question this morning, which has made me contemplate on it, as well as my answer to it. The question was "are you making it a bigger deal, or are they?" Wow, that was an eye opener for sure. I realized that I am probably the one that is making it a much bigger deal.
I am a mom, and my girls are now adults, and one is to be a mom herself in the Spring. I'm finding it very difficult to let go, and realize that I cannot protect them from the hurts that come in life, because of their choices. I am finding that I still think of them as my babies, always will, and they still want and need me to help them make good choices. Unfortunately, that part of life is now over, and I cannot put my foot down and say just what I think.
All I can do is listen to them when they want to talk, and love them whatever decision is made, especially if I don't like it. I hope that one day they will see how much I love them, and just what I did for them, as well as will continue to do for them.
I know soon enough my son will be an adult and be moving out of the home as well. In the meantime, I will continue too do my best to show my love and concern for him, as well as my girls, to the best of my abilities.
Just like crochet - which is tying different knots in string to create a lovely object - I will tie the knots of love in my heart, and hopefully each of my wonderful children's as well. Some knots will remain, thick and strong, as they are meant to be, others loose and flowing to shine with the light, and yet others to be ripped out never to be seen again, and more yet to be reshaped and formed to add that special twist.
I love you, my sweet, wonderful children. You are each a special gift, and I thank you for all the love, all the stress, all the laughter, and all the difficulty as well, so that my love for you grows every day, and I can become a better mom, and hopefully a fantastic grandmother too.
What knots do you need to untie? What knots do you need to rip out, never to be retied? What knots need to be reshaped? Look at all your knots, and hopefully all of them are making a beautiful coat of unconditional love, and inner beauty.